Sunday, September 27, 2009
Accupressure Points for reference
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Whats your Raashi-zodiac signs?
CAPRICORN -
The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid..Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
AQUARIUS -
The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
PISCES -
The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
ARIES -
The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient.Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered..) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit.Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
TAURUS -
The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable... Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
GEMINI -
The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.
CANCER -
The Protector (June 21 - July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
LEO -
The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted.. Generous,warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos.Attractive.
VIRGO -
The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word.. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please.Harsh. Practical and very fussy.. Often shy. Pessimistic.
LIBRA -
The Harmonizer (Sept 23- Oct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind . Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
SCORPIO -
The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser..Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
SAGITTARIUS -
The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome).Indulges self.Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing.. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical.. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
[source: amarnathbhai of course]
The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid..Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
AQUARIUS -
The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
PISCES -
The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
ARIES -
The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient.Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered..) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit.Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
TAURUS -
The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable... Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
GEMINI -
The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.
CANCER -
The Protector (June 21 - July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
LEO -
The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted.. Generous,warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos.Attractive.
VIRGO -
The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word.. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please.Harsh. Practical and very fussy.. Often shy. Pessimistic.
LIBRA -
The Harmonizer (Sept 23- Oct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind . Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
SCORPIO -
The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser..Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
SAGITTARIUS -
The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome).Indulges self.Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing.. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical.. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
[source: amarnathbhai of course]
DANGEROUS DRUGS-Pl Check
THESE (Following) DRUGS HAVE BEEN GLOBALLY DISCARDED BUT ARE AVAILABLE IN INDIA.
Others are:
ANALGIN: This is a pain - killer. Reason for ban: Bone marrow depression.
Brand name: Novalgin
CISAPRIDE: Acidity, constipation. Reason for ban: Irregular heartbeat
Brand name: Ciza, Syspride
DROPERIDOL: Anti-depressant. Reason for ban: Irregular heartbeat.
Brand name: Droperol
FURAZOLIDONE: Antidiarrhoeal. Reason for ban: Cancer.
Brand name: Furoxone, Lomofen
NIMESULIDE: Painkiller, fever. Reason for ban: Liver failure.
Brand name: Nise, Nimulid
NITROFURAZONE: Antibacterial cream. Reason for ban: Cancer.
Brand name: Furacin
PHENOLPHTHALEIN: Laxative. Reason for ban: Cancer.
Brand name: Agarol
PHENYLPROPANOLAMINE: cold and cough. Reason for ban: stroke.
Brand name: D'cold, Vicks Action-500
OXYPHENBUTAZONE: Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. Reason for ban:
Bone marrow depression.
Brand name: Sioril
PIPERAZINE: Anti-worms. Reason for ban: Nerve damage.
Brand name: Piperazine
QUINIODOCHLOR: Anti-diarrhoeal. Reason for ban: Damage to sight.
Brand name: Enteroquinol
[source :e-mail]
Brand name: Sioril
PIPERAZINE: Anti-worms. Reason for ban: Nerve damage.
Brand name: Piperazine
QUINIODOCHLOR: Anti-diarrhoeal. Reason for ban: Damage to sight.
Brand name: Enteroquinol
[source :e-mail]
Thursday, September 24, 2009
A two minute read.......
Read this story, and follow the recommendation at the end......
As I was walking down life's highway many years ago I came upon a sign that read Heavens Grocery Store.
When I got a little closer the doors swung open wide and when I came to myself I was standing inside.I saw a host of angels. They were standing everywhere One handed me a basket and said "My child, shop with care."
Everything a human needed was in that grocery store And what you could not carry you could come back for more.
First I got some Patience. Love was in that same row. Further down was Understanding,You need that everywhere you go. I got a box or two of Wisdom
and Faith a bag or two.And Charity of course I would need some of that too.
I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost. It was all over the place.
And then some Strength and Courage to help me run this race.My basket was getting full but I remembered I needed Grace,and then I chose Salvation for Salvation was for free I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill, For I thought I had everything to do the Masters will. As I went up the aisle I saw Prayer and put that in, For I knew when I stepped outside I would run into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful,the last things on the shelf. Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself. Then I said to the angel "Now how much do I owe?" He smiled and said "Just take them everywhere you go." Again I asked "Really now,How much do I owe?" "My child" he said,"God paid your bill a long long time ago."
As I was walking down life's highway many years ago I came upon a sign that read Heavens Grocery Store.
When I got a little closer the doors swung open wide and when I came to myself I was standing inside.I saw a host of angels. They were standing everywhere One handed me a basket and said "My child, shop with care."
Everything a human needed was in that grocery store And what you could not carry you could come back for more.
First I got some Patience. Love was in that same row. Further down was Understanding,You need that everywhere you go. I got a box or two of Wisdom
and Faith a bag or two.And Charity of course I would need some of that too.
I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost. It was all over the place.
And then some Strength and Courage to help me run this race.My basket was getting full but I remembered I needed Grace,and then I chose Salvation for Salvation was for free I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill, For I thought I had everything to do the Masters will. As I went up the aisle I saw Prayer and put that in, For I knew when I stepped outside I would run into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful,the last things on the shelf. Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself. Then I said to the angel "Now how much do I owe?" He smiled and said "Just take them everywhere you go." Again I asked "Really now,How much do I owe?" "My child" he said,"God paid your bill a long long time ago."
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Some Great Laws
Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
* Terman's Law of Innovation:
If you want a team to win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot each.
* O'brien's Variation:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
* Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
* The Peter Principle:
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
* H.L.Mencken's Law:
Those who can, do. Those who cannot teach.
* Martin's Extension:
Those who can't teach, administer
* Belani's Extrapolation:
Those who cannot even administer, become consultants.
* Lieberman's Law:
Everbody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
* Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
* Van Herpen's Law:
The solving of the problem lies in finding the solvers.
* Murphy's Law of Government:
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
* Bell's Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
* Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
* Young's Law:
Great discoveries are made by mistake.
* Kin Hubbard:
A good listener is usually thinking about something else
* One Anonymous Great Seer's Law :
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position
* Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
* Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
* Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
* Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you use the excuse that you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will actually have a flat tire.
* O'brien's Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
* Bell's Theorem:
As soon as the body is immersed fully in the bathtub, the telephone will ring.
* Rubys Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are in a situation where you do not want to be seen by anybody.
* Willoughby's Law:
When you try to prove to the repairman that a machine doesn't work, it will.
* Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reachability of the area.
* Breda's Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
* Owen's Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
* Wooly's law:
When you are working late, the boss will never be around. When you are surfing the net the boss will always drop by.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
* Terman's Law of Innovation:
If you want a team to win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot each.
* O'brien's Variation:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
* Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
* The Peter Principle:
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
* H.L.Mencken's Law:
Those who can, do. Those who cannot teach.
* Martin's Extension:
Those who can't teach, administer
* Belani's Extrapolation:
Those who cannot even administer, become consultants.
* Lieberman's Law:
Everbody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
* Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
* Van Herpen's Law:
The solving of the problem lies in finding the solvers.
* Murphy's Law of Government:
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
* Bell's Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
* Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
* Young's Law:
Great discoveries are made by mistake.
* Kin Hubbard:
A good listener is usually thinking about something else
* One Anonymous Great Seer's Law :
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position
* Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
* Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
* Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
* Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you use the excuse that you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will actually have a flat tire.
* O'brien's Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
* Bell's Theorem:
As soon as the body is immersed fully in the bathtub, the telephone will ring.
* Rubys Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are in a situation where you do not want to be seen by anybody.
* Willoughby's Law:
When you try to prove to the repairman that a machine doesn't work, it will.
* Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reachability of the area.
* Breda's Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
* Owen's Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
* Wooly's law:
When you are working late, the boss will never be around. When you are surfing the net the boss will always drop by.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
એક હજાર લખોટીઓ
એક દિવસ વહેલી સવારે એક બિઝનેસમૅને પોતાનો રેડિયો ઑન કર્યો. આમ તો દરરોજ એ એટલો બધો બિઝી (વ્યસ્ત) રહેતો કે રેડિયો, ટી.વી. કે એવા અન્ય કોઈ મનોરંજનના સાધનોને એના જીવનમાં સ્થાન જ નહોતું. રાતદિવસ એ પોતાના ધંધાના વિચારોમાં જ ખોવાયેલો રહેતો. એના બાળકો તેમ જ પત્ની એ પણ ભૂલી ગયા હતા કે છેલ્લે એ લોકોએ જોડે ભોજન ક્યારે લીધું હતું ? પછી ફરવા જવાનો કે પિકનિકનો તો સવાલ જ ક્યાંથી આવે ? એ શનિવારે એણે આમ જ રેડિયો શરૂ કર્યો હતો. ઘરના બાકીના સભ્યો હજુ સૂતા હતા. જો કે રેડિયો સાવ અમસ્તો તો નહોતો જ શરૂ કર્યો ! હકીકતમાં એ વખતે એણે બહારગામના કોઈ બિઝનેસમૅન જોડે મિટિંગ રાખેલી. કોઈ કારણોસર પેલાની ફ્લાઈટ કેન્સલ થઈ. એટલે હવે સવારના એ એક કલાકમાં શું કરવું એવી અવઢવમાં જ એણે રેડિયો ઑન કરેલો. એણે રેડિયો ઑન કર્યો એના પર કોઈ વૃદ્ધ માણસ એક હજાર લખોટીઓની વાત કરી રહ્યો હતો.એ માણસના અવાજમાં અને એની વાતમાં એવું કંઈક હતું કે બિઝનેસમૅનને ધ્યાનથી સાંભળવાની ઈચ્છા થઈ આવી...
એ વૃદ્ધ માણસ રેડિયો પરથી ટોમ નામના પોતાના કોઈ મિત્રને સંબોધીને કહી રહ્યો હતો કે, ‘ટૉમ ! તું જ્યાં હો ત્યાંથી આ ક્ષણે જો મારી વાત સાંભળી રહ્યો હોય તો હવે પછી હું જે કંઈ કહું છું એના પર બરાબર ધ્યાન આપજે. હું જાણું છું કે તું ખૂબ જ બિઝી (વ્યસ્ત) રહે છે અને અઢળક પૈસા કમાઈ રહ્યો છે, પરંતુ તેં એ ક્યારેય વિચાર્યું છે કે એના કારણે તારે તારા ઘર અને કુટુંબથી કેટલો બધો વખત દૂર રહેવું પડે છે ? ઘણોખરો વખત તું બિઝનેસ ટ્રીપ પર જ હો છો. તારા ઘરના આનંદના પ્રસંગોમાં પણ તું ગેરહાજર હો છો. તને યાદ જ હશે કે ગયા અઠવાડિયે તારી દીકરીના નૃત્યના કાર્યક્રમમાં તું હાજરી નહોતો આપી શક્યો, ખરું ને ?’ એ વૃદ્ધે બોલતા બોલતા થોડો વિરામ લીધો. પેલા બિઝનેસમૅનને પણ હવે એની વાતમાં બરાબરનો રસ પડ્યો હતો. થોડુંક વૉલ્યુમ વધારી એ ધ્યાનથી સાંભળવા લાગ્યો.રેડિયો પરથી પેલા વૃદ્ધે આગળ કહ્યું, ‘ટૉમ ! મારા ભાઈ ! હું તને એક એવી વાત કહેવા માગું છું કે જેણે મારી જિંદગી જ બદલી નાખી છે.
વાત એમ છે કે એક દિવસ મેં થોડુંક ગણિત માંડી જોયું. પુરુષની સરેરાશ ઉંમર પંચોતેર (75)વરસની હોય છે. જોકે કેટલાક આનાથી વધારે તો વળી કેટલાક ઓછું પણ જીવતા હોય છે,પરંતુ સરેરાશ ઉંમર પંચોતેર વરસની હોય છે. હવે એ 75ને મેં 52 વડે ગુણી નાખ્યા,કારણ કે એક વરસમાં 52 શનિવાર હોય છે.ગુણાકાર આવ્યો 3900. એટલે કે આટલાશનિવાર સરેરાશ 75 વરસ જીવતા માણસને એની આખી જિંદગી દરમિયાન મળે. (પરદેશમાંશનિવાર સૌથી આનંદનો દિવસ ગણાય છે, કારણ કે એના બીજા દિવસે રજા હોય છે !)જ્યારે મેં આ હિસાબ માંડેલો ત્યારે મારી ઉંમર હતી 55 વરસ ઉપર. એનો અર્થ કે એટલા વખત સુધીમાં હું લગભગ 2900 શનિવાર તો પસાર કરી ગયો હતો ! હવે જો હું 75 વરસ સુધી જ જીવવાનો હોઉં તો મારી પાસે ફક્ત 1000 શનિવાર બચ્યા હતા ! એનો સાવ સાદો અર્થ એટલો જ કે મારી પાસે આનંદ અને રજાના માત્ર એક હજાર દિવસ જ બચ્યાં હતાં ! મને આઘાત લાગ્યો કારણ કે મારી પાસે મારા કુટુંબ અને મિત્રો સાથે ગાળવાના ફક્ત એટલા જ દિવસો બચ્યા હતા. હું વિચારમાં પડી ગયો. ઘણો વખત વિચાર્યા પછી એ જ દિવસે ગામમાં જઈ, બેચાર સ્ટોરમાં રખડીને હું એક હજાર લખોટીઓ લઈ આવ્યો. એ લખોટીઓને મારા ટેબલ પર એક કાચની બરણીમાં ગોઠવી દીધી. દર શનિવારે હું એમાંથીએક લખોટી કાઢીને ફેંકી દઉં છું.જેમ જેમ હું એ બરણીને ખાલી થતી જોઉં છું તેમ તેમ મને મારા મિત્રો,સગાંવહાલાં અને કુટુંબીજનો માટે વધારે ને વધારે સમય ફાળવવાની ઈચ્છા થતી જાય છે.
અગત્યના અને કરવા જેવાં કામોની મેં યાદી પણ બનાવી લીધી છે અને હા, તમારી જિંદગીના ઘટતા જતાં દિવસોની સંખ્યા તમને બાકીના દિવસોને જીવવા જેવા કઈ રીતે બનાવવા એ આપોઆપ સમજાવી દે છે !’રેડિયો પર એકાદ ક્ષણ માટે શાંતિ છવાઈ ગઈ. પછી ફરીથી એ વૃદ્ધનો અવાજ આવ્યો,‘હા તો ટૉમ ! આજે મારી એ કાચની બરણીમાંથી મેં છેલ્લી લખોટી કાઢી ! મારા દોસ્ત ! આજે મને 75 વરસ પૂરાં થયાં. અત્યારે હું મારી વહાલીપત્ની તેમ જ બાળકોને શહેરના મોટા અને આધુનિક રેસ્ટોરંટમાં નાસ્તો કરવા લઈ જવાનો છું. હવે મારી બરણી ખાલી છે. હવે પછીનો દરેક શનિવાર મને ભગવાન તરફથી મળેલ ભેટ હશે. હું ખરેખર ખૂબ જ આનંદથી જીવું છું. હું ઈચ્છું કે તું પણ તારા કુટુંબ સાથે આનંદથી જીવી શકે. એના લીધે પંચોતેરમાં વર્ષે શું ગુમાવ્યું એનો અફસોસ ન રહે ! તું એવું કરી શકે એના માટે તને મારી શુભેચ્છાઓ ! હું હવે રજા લઉં છું દોસ્ત !બાય !’
રેડિયો પર વાર્તાલાપ પૂરો થયો. એની અસર એવી હતી કે પેલો બિઝનેસમૅન ઊંડા વિચારમાં પડી ગયો. થોડી વાર પછી એ ઊભો થયો. બેચાર ફોન કરી કંઈક વાત કરી પછી ઉપરના માળે જઈ પોતાની પત્ની તેમ જ બાળકોને ઉઠાડ્યા. બધાને નવાઈ લાગી. કોઈ પણ વાર હોય, સવારના પાંચ વાગ્યામાં જ બિઝનેસની પળોજણમાં પડી જતાં એ માણસને આજે હળવા મૂડમાં જોઈ બધાને ખૂબ જ આશ્ચર્ય થતું હતું. છતાં કંઈ પણ બોલ્યા વિના બધા તૈયાર થવા લાગ્યા. ઘરના બધા જ સભ્યો તૈયાર થઈને નીચે બેઠકખંડમાં આવ્યા એટલે બિઝનેસમૅને એમને કહ્યું કે એ દિવસે બધાએ શહેરની સારામાં સારી હોટલમાં નાસ્તો કરવા જવાનું છે અને એ પછી બાજુના દરિયાકિનારે પિકનિક પર !
ઘરની દરેક વ્યક્તિ આનંદના આઘાતમાં સરી ગઈ. પણ કોઈએ કંઈજ દલીલ કરી નહીં. એમની જિંદગીમાં પ્રથમ વખત આવેલી એ પળોને દલીલોથી દુષિત કરવાની કોઈની પણ ઈચ્છા નહોતી.બધા હોંશે હોંશે ગાડીમાં ગોઠવાયા. દરેકનો ચહેરો હસતો હતો. મનમાં કંઈક જુદા જ પ્રકારની ખુશી હતી.બજારમાંથી પસાર થતી વેળાએ એક સ્ટોર પાસે એ બિઝનેસમૅને ગાડી ઊભી રાખી. બધા ચૂપ થઈ ગયા. એની પત્નીથી ન રહેવાયું એટલે એણે પૂછી જ લીધું કે,કેમ તમારો વિચાર બદલી ગયો કે શું ? અહીંયા કેમ ઊભા રહી ગયા ?’ બિઝનેસમૅન થોડી વાર વહાલથી એની સામે જોઈ રહ્યો. પછી હસીને બોલ્યો : ‘નહીં વહાલી ! વિચાર નથી બદલ્યો ! આ તો મારે થોડીક લખોટીઓ ખરીદવી છે!!’
[source email (agb)]
એ વૃદ્ધ માણસ રેડિયો પરથી ટોમ નામના પોતાના કોઈ મિત્રને સંબોધીને કહી રહ્યો હતો કે, ‘ટૉમ ! તું જ્યાં હો ત્યાંથી આ ક્ષણે જો મારી વાત સાંભળી રહ્યો હોય તો હવે પછી હું જે કંઈ કહું છું એના પર બરાબર ધ્યાન આપજે. હું જાણું છું કે તું ખૂબ જ બિઝી (વ્યસ્ત) રહે છે અને અઢળક પૈસા કમાઈ રહ્યો છે, પરંતુ તેં એ ક્યારેય વિચાર્યું છે કે એના કારણે તારે તારા ઘર અને કુટુંબથી કેટલો બધો વખત દૂર રહેવું પડે છે ? ઘણોખરો વખત તું બિઝનેસ ટ્રીપ પર જ હો છો. તારા ઘરના આનંદના પ્રસંગોમાં પણ તું ગેરહાજર હો છો. તને યાદ જ હશે કે ગયા અઠવાડિયે તારી દીકરીના નૃત્યના કાર્યક્રમમાં તું હાજરી નહોતો આપી શક્યો, ખરું ને ?’ એ વૃદ્ધે બોલતા બોલતા થોડો વિરામ લીધો. પેલા બિઝનેસમૅનને પણ હવે એની વાતમાં બરાબરનો રસ પડ્યો હતો. થોડુંક વૉલ્યુમ વધારી એ ધ્યાનથી સાંભળવા લાગ્યો.રેડિયો પરથી પેલા વૃદ્ધે આગળ કહ્યું, ‘ટૉમ ! મારા ભાઈ ! હું તને એક એવી વાત કહેવા માગું છું કે જેણે મારી જિંદગી જ બદલી નાખી છે.
વાત એમ છે કે એક દિવસ મેં થોડુંક ગણિત માંડી જોયું. પુરુષની સરેરાશ ઉંમર પંચોતેર (75)વરસની હોય છે. જોકે કેટલાક આનાથી વધારે તો વળી કેટલાક ઓછું પણ જીવતા હોય છે,પરંતુ સરેરાશ ઉંમર પંચોતેર વરસની હોય છે. હવે એ 75ને મેં 52 વડે ગુણી નાખ્યા,કારણ કે એક વરસમાં 52 શનિવાર હોય છે.ગુણાકાર આવ્યો 3900. એટલે કે આટલાશનિવાર સરેરાશ 75 વરસ જીવતા માણસને એની આખી જિંદગી દરમિયાન મળે. (પરદેશમાંશનિવાર સૌથી આનંદનો દિવસ ગણાય છે, કારણ કે એના બીજા દિવસે રજા હોય છે !)જ્યારે મેં આ હિસાબ માંડેલો ત્યારે મારી ઉંમર હતી 55 વરસ ઉપર. એનો અર્થ કે એટલા વખત સુધીમાં હું લગભગ 2900 શનિવાર તો પસાર કરી ગયો હતો ! હવે જો હું 75 વરસ સુધી જ જીવવાનો હોઉં તો મારી પાસે ફક્ત 1000 શનિવાર બચ્યા હતા ! એનો સાવ સાદો અર્થ એટલો જ કે મારી પાસે આનંદ અને રજાના માત્ર એક હજાર દિવસ જ બચ્યાં હતાં ! મને આઘાત લાગ્યો કારણ કે મારી પાસે મારા કુટુંબ અને મિત્રો સાથે ગાળવાના ફક્ત એટલા જ દિવસો બચ્યા હતા. હું વિચારમાં પડી ગયો. ઘણો વખત વિચાર્યા પછી એ જ દિવસે ગામમાં જઈ, બેચાર સ્ટોરમાં રખડીને હું એક હજાર લખોટીઓ લઈ આવ્યો. એ લખોટીઓને મારા ટેબલ પર એક કાચની બરણીમાં ગોઠવી દીધી. દર શનિવારે હું એમાંથીએક લખોટી કાઢીને ફેંકી દઉં છું.જેમ જેમ હું એ બરણીને ખાલી થતી જોઉં છું તેમ તેમ મને મારા મિત્રો,સગાંવહાલાં અને કુટુંબીજનો માટે વધારે ને વધારે સમય ફાળવવાની ઈચ્છા થતી જાય છે.
અગત્યના અને કરવા જેવાં કામોની મેં યાદી પણ બનાવી લીધી છે અને હા, તમારી જિંદગીના ઘટતા જતાં દિવસોની સંખ્યા તમને બાકીના દિવસોને જીવવા જેવા કઈ રીતે બનાવવા એ આપોઆપ સમજાવી દે છે !’રેડિયો પર એકાદ ક્ષણ માટે શાંતિ છવાઈ ગઈ. પછી ફરીથી એ વૃદ્ધનો અવાજ આવ્યો,‘હા તો ટૉમ ! આજે મારી એ કાચની બરણીમાંથી મેં છેલ્લી લખોટી કાઢી ! મારા દોસ્ત ! આજે મને 75 વરસ પૂરાં થયાં. અત્યારે હું મારી વહાલીપત્ની તેમ જ બાળકોને શહેરના મોટા અને આધુનિક રેસ્ટોરંટમાં નાસ્તો કરવા લઈ જવાનો છું. હવે મારી બરણી ખાલી છે. હવે પછીનો દરેક શનિવાર મને ભગવાન તરફથી મળેલ ભેટ હશે. હું ખરેખર ખૂબ જ આનંદથી જીવું છું. હું ઈચ્છું કે તું પણ તારા કુટુંબ સાથે આનંદથી જીવી શકે. એના લીધે પંચોતેરમાં વર્ષે શું ગુમાવ્યું એનો અફસોસ ન રહે ! તું એવું કરી શકે એના માટે તને મારી શુભેચ્છાઓ ! હું હવે રજા લઉં છું દોસ્ત !બાય !’
રેડિયો પર વાર્તાલાપ પૂરો થયો. એની અસર એવી હતી કે પેલો બિઝનેસમૅન ઊંડા વિચારમાં પડી ગયો. થોડી વાર પછી એ ઊભો થયો. બેચાર ફોન કરી કંઈક વાત કરી પછી ઉપરના માળે જઈ પોતાની પત્ની તેમ જ બાળકોને ઉઠાડ્યા. બધાને નવાઈ લાગી. કોઈ પણ વાર હોય, સવારના પાંચ વાગ્યામાં જ બિઝનેસની પળોજણમાં પડી જતાં એ માણસને આજે હળવા મૂડમાં જોઈ બધાને ખૂબ જ આશ્ચર્ય થતું હતું. છતાં કંઈ પણ બોલ્યા વિના બધા તૈયાર થવા લાગ્યા. ઘરના બધા જ સભ્યો તૈયાર થઈને નીચે બેઠકખંડમાં આવ્યા એટલે બિઝનેસમૅને એમને કહ્યું કે એ દિવસે બધાએ શહેરની સારામાં સારી હોટલમાં નાસ્તો કરવા જવાનું છે અને એ પછી બાજુના દરિયાકિનારે પિકનિક પર !
ઘરની દરેક વ્યક્તિ આનંદના આઘાતમાં સરી ગઈ. પણ કોઈએ કંઈજ દલીલ કરી નહીં. એમની જિંદગીમાં પ્રથમ વખત આવેલી એ પળોને દલીલોથી દુષિત કરવાની કોઈની પણ ઈચ્છા નહોતી.બધા હોંશે હોંશે ગાડીમાં ગોઠવાયા. દરેકનો ચહેરો હસતો હતો. મનમાં કંઈક જુદા જ પ્રકારની ખુશી હતી.બજારમાંથી પસાર થતી વેળાએ એક સ્ટોર પાસે એ બિઝનેસમૅને ગાડી ઊભી રાખી. બધા ચૂપ થઈ ગયા. એની પત્નીથી ન રહેવાયું એટલે એણે પૂછી જ લીધું કે,કેમ તમારો વિચાર બદલી ગયો કે શું ? અહીંયા કેમ ઊભા રહી ગયા ?’ બિઝનેસમૅન થોડી વાર વહાલથી એની સામે જોઈ રહ્યો. પછી હસીને બોલ્યો : ‘નહીં વહાલી ! વિચાર નથી બદલ્યો ! આ તો મારે થોડીક લખોટીઓ ખરીદવી છે!!’
[source email (agb)]
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
PUNJAB AIRWAYS ANNOUNCEMENT
P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT
Gud marning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal. On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night. Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage.
P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us. I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingers have reached to their dest'nation.
For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them off for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.
For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly distributed. We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut. But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can be seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened for your viewing convenience. For p'ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.
If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent'tainment. our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!
Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal makhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi.
There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights. As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways flights over P'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.
Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your front side. It is not a hand fan. The P'ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside. Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land. Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also do not use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to the floor during take off and landing.
Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for steward or airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off. We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air sikness problems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets - Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways.
[source: from e-mail(agb)]
Gud marning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal. On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night. Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage.
P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us. I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingers have reached to their dest'nation.
For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them off for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.
For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly distributed. We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut. But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can be seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened for your viewing convenience. For p'ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.
If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent'tainment. our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!
Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal makhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi.
There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights. As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways flights over P'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.
Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your front side. It is not a hand fan. The P'ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside. Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land. Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also do not use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to the floor during take off and landing.
Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for steward or airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off. We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air sikness problems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets - Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways.
[source: from e-mail(agb)]
Monday, September 14, 2009
Universal truths / Observed but found true
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
3) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
4) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
5) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
6) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
7) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
8) You never ever run out of salt.
9) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
10) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
11) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
12) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
Before Computers-upto Internet
BEFORE COMPUTERS
In Today’s life we be severely handicapped if we wouldn’t have access to computer. There were no computers in the pre-information age. God didn’t say “Let there be Computers !”,they evolved before 53 years. Here are 10 most significant events that led to the development of computers.
1.ZERO
Computers deal with binary i.e.0 & 1.The concept of One is supposed to have evolved in many civilizations. But, the zero was developed by only one-the ancient Indian civilization.
2.ABACUS
The first (calculating) device that aided mathematical operations of addition & subtraction was abacus. After that slide rules,calculators etc followed.
3.ALGORITHM
In 12th century in Tashkent, Muhammed ibn Musa Al’khowarizmi developed the concept of Algorithm. This was the fundamental to system analyses,solution design and programming.
4.BOOLEAN ALGEBRA
In 18th century Boole’s”An investigation into the laws of thought on which are founded the mathematical theories of Logic and Probabilities” was published(1854).This was the basis of modern computer design.
5.BABBAGE’S DESIGN
In 19th century Charles Babbage proposed the Difference Engine(steam) in 1822.He was reconed as “Father of the Computer”.
6.TURNING’S UNIVERSAL MACHINE
In 20th century(1937) a british mathematician proposed the idea of “Universal Machine”.
7.VACUUM TUBE
In 1906 American physicist Lee De Forest invented vacuum tube. Bulky tubes are now rarely seen/used.
8.ENIAC
In 1946 “Electronic and Numeric Integrator and Calculator” was unveiled in Philadelphia at University of Pennsylvania.
9.TRANSISTORS
In 1947 William Shockley, Walter Houser Brattain and John Bardeen of Bell labs demonstrated the the transistor challenging the tube in all it’s drawbacks. It has truly made Impact on the whole world. In 1956 they were awarded the Nobel Prize for physics.
10.INTEGRATED CIRCUITS.
In 1959 Texas Instrument and Fairchild simultaneously announced the discovery of the IC.
The Evolution of the Internet
1957:The Sputnik: October 4,1957,first artificial earth satellite was launched in response to which US department of defence created the Advanced Research Projects Agency(ARPA).
1961:Packet Switching: Leonard Kleinrock at MIT came up with Packet switching which is the core of the Net as it exists today.
1962:Galactic Networks: J C R Licklider of MIT envisaged globally connected set of computers.
1965:First Wide Area Network: Thomas Merril and Laurence G Roberts connected the TX-2 computer in MIT with Q-32 in California over a telephone line forming the first WAN.
1966-67:Plans for ARPANET: In 1966 Laurence Roberts joined ARPA and developed ARPANET.
11968:The First Step:The specifications of ARPANET were refined, packet switch called Interface Message Processor was contracted to BBN(Bolt, Beranek & Newman)and networking group was formed.
1969:ARPANET is Created: BBN installed first IMP in UCLA (Uni. Of Calif.LA) and later second node at SRI(Stanford Research Inst.) followed by UC, Santa Barbara and Uni. Of Utah.
1970:NCP :The first Network Communication Protocol: By NWG.
1972:E-MAIL:Ray Tomlinson wrote the first e-mail send and receive program.
1973:ARPANET goes Global: The Uni. College of London and Royal Radar esta. Connect to Arpanet. Robert Metcalfe and David Boggs wrote 13 pages on Ethernet. Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie presented paper on UNIX.
1974:TCP: Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn established Transmission Control Protocol(TCP) to provide services to INTERNET-the word was used first time.
1977: The First Gateway : Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn developed it.
1978:TCP & IP:TCP’s routing functions were into Intrenet Protocol(IP).
1979:ICCB: DARPA formed Internet Configuration Control Board(ICCB) to help process of creating gateway.
1981: XANADU: A central pay-per-document.
1983:TCP/IP becomes core protocol: NSFNET was split into military and civilian sections.
1984:1000 HOSTS: Number of hosts crossed 1000.
1988:WORM STRUCK: A malicious program written by Robert Morris Jr. attacked and brought down 6000 lines out of 60000 lines.Jarkko Oikarian wrote Internet Relay Chat(IRC).
1990:ARPANET DISCONTINUED: Over 300,000 hosts were freed as ARPANET died.
1991:WWW:NSFNET lifted ban on Commercial traffic.”Gopher” –way of finding files on net- was released.
1992:SURFING TIME: Interet Society(IOSC) coined term Net Surfing.Veronica released in U of Nevada.
1994:W3C: The World Wide Web Consortium formed by Tim Berners-Lee and Al Vezza.
1995:APACH: “A PatCHy server” to address groups of www. Sun Microsys released JAVA.
In Today’s life we be severely handicapped if we wouldn’t have access to computer. There were no computers in the pre-information age. God didn’t say “Let there be Computers !”,they evolved before 53 years. Here are 10 most significant events that led to the development of computers.
1.ZERO
Computers deal with binary i.e.0 & 1.The concept of One is supposed to have evolved in many civilizations. But, the zero was developed by only one-the ancient Indian civilization.
2.ABACUS
The first (calculating) device that aided mathematical operations of addition & subtraction was abacus. After that slide rules,calculators etc followed.
3.ALGORITHM
In 12th century in Tashkent, Muhammed ibn Musa Al’khowarizmi developed the concept of Algorithm. This was the fundamental to system analyses,solution design and programming.
4.BOOLEAN ALGEBRA
In 18th century Boole’s”An investigation into the laws of thought on which are founded the mathematical theories of Logic and Probabilities” was published(1854).This was the basis of modern computer design.
5.BABBAGE’S DESIGN
In 19th century Charles Babbage proposed the Difference Engine(steam) in 1822.He was reconed as “Father of the Computer”.
6.TURNING’S UNIVERSAL MACHINE
In 20th century(1937) a british mathematician proposed the idea of “Universal Machine”.
7.VACUUM TUBE
In 1906 American physicist Lee De Forest invented vacuum tube. Bulky tubes are now rarely seen/used.
8.ENIAC
In 1946 “Electronic and Numeric Integrator and Calculator” was unveiled in Philadelphia at University of Pennsylvania.
9.TRANSISTORS
In 1947 William Shockley, Walter Houser Brattain and John Bardeen of Bell labs demonstrated the the transistor challenging the tube in all it’s drawbacks. It has truly made Impact on the whole world. In 1956 they were awarded the Nobel Prize for physics.
10.INTEGRATED CIRCUITS.
In 1959 Texas Instrument and Fairchild simultaneously announced the discovery of the IC.
The Evolution of the Internet
1957:The Sputnik: October 4,1957,first artificial earth satellite was launched in response to which US department of defence created the Advanced Research Projects Agency(ARPA).
1961:Packet Switching: Leonard Kleinrock at MIT came up with Packet switching which is the core of the Net as it exists today.
1962:Galactic Networks: J C R Licklider of MIT envisaged globally connected set of computers.
1965:First Wide Area Network: Thomas Merril and Laurence G Roberts connected the TX-2 computer in MIT with Q-32 in California over a telephone line forming the first WAN.
1966-67:Plans for ARPANET: In 1966 Laurence Roberts joined ARPA and developed ARPANET.
11968:The First Step:The specifications of ARPANET were refined, packet switch called Interface Message Processor was contracted to BBN(Bolt, Beranek & Newman)and networking group was formed.
1969:ARPANET is Created: BBN installed first IMP in UCLA (Uni. Of Calif.LA) and later second node at SRI(Stanford Research Inst.) followed by UC, Santa Barbara and Uni. Of Utah.
1970:NCP :The first Network Communication Protocol: By NWG.
1972:E-MAIL:Ray Tomlinson wrote the first e-mail send and receive program.
1973:ARPANET goes Global: The Uni. College of London and Royal Radar esta. Connect to Arpanet. Robert Metcalfe and David Boggs wrote 13 pages on Ethernet. Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie presented paper on UNIX.
1974:TCP: Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn established Transmission Control Protocol(TCP) to provide services to INTERNET-the word was used first time.
1977: The First Gateway : Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn developed it.
1978:TCP & IP:TCP’s routing functions were into Intrenet Protocol(IP).
1979:ICCB: DARPA formed Internet Configuration Control Board(ICCB) to help process of creating gateway.
1981: XANADU: A central pay-per-document.
1983:TCP/IP becomes core protocol: NSFNET was split into military and civilian sections.
1984:1000 HOSTS: Number of hosts crossed 1000.
1988:WORM STRUCK: A malicious program written by Robert Morris Jr. attacked and brought down 6000 lines out of 60000 lines.Jarkko Oikarian wrote Internet Relay Chat(IRC).
1990:ARPANET DISCONTINUED: Over 300,000 hosts were freed as ARPANET died.
1991:WWW:NSFNET lifted ban on Commercial traffic.”Gopher” –way of finding files on net- was released.
1992:SURFING TIME: Interet Society(IOSC) coined term Net Surfing.Veronica released in U of Nevada.
1994:W3C: The World Wide Web Consortium formed by Tim Berners-Lee and Al Vezza.
1995:APACH: “A PatCHy server” to address groups of www. Sun Microsys released JAVA.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Funny Bihar Drv license form
BIHAR DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
NOTE: If you dot knows, please copy from another applikason phorom.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you
the licen.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav
(_) Sinha
(_) Pandey
(_) Misra
(_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad
(_) Lakhan
(_) Sivprasad
(_) Jamnaprasad
(_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty
(_) Greater than phipty
(_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
4. Occupason:
(_) Politison
(_) Doodhwala
(_) Pehelwaan
(_) House wife
(_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
Number of children libing in the household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother name: _______________________
Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no, leave blank)
Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow
(_) Berownish-ellow
(_) Berown
(_) Belack
(_) Other - Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
Your thumb imparesson (If you are copying from another applikason pharom,please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you don't have lepht hand, use your
thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS.
[from email]
NOTE: If you dot knows, please copy from another applikason phorom.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you
the licen.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav
(_) Sinha
(_) Pandey
(_) Misra
(_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad
(_) Lakhan
(_) Sivprasad
(_) Jamnaprasad
(_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty
(_) Greater than phipty
(_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
4. Occupason:
(_) Politison
(_) Doodhwala
(_) Pehelwaan
(_) House wife
(_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
Number of children libing in the household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother name: _______________________
Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no, leave blank)
Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow
(_) Berownish-ellow
(_) Berown
(_) Belack
(_) Other - Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
Your thumb imparesson (If you are copying from another applikason pharom,please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you don't have lepht hand, use your
thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS.
[from email]
Very Important-Unsolicited Calls
What to say when they call if you don't want junk calls:
Every time you get a call you consider junk, just ask the questions in this script. If they answer no, you may be able to sue them.
1. ``Are you calling to sell something?'' (or ``is this a telemarketing call?'')
2. ``Could you tell me your full name please?''
3. ``And a phone number, area code first?''
4. ``What's the name of the organization you're calling for?''
5. ``Does that organization keep a list of numbers it's been asked not to call?''
6. ``I would like my number(s) put on that list. Can you take care of that now?''
7. ``And does the company you work for also make telemarketing calls for any other organizations?'' (If they answer no, skip the next question.)
8. (If yes) ``Can you make sure your company won't call me for any other organization?''
You may need to ask to speak with a supervisor if they sound lost. When you're ready to let them off, you might close with ``Is it clear that I never want telemarketing calls from anyone?'' and just say goodbye. If you feel like making them pay, keep going:
1. ``Will your company keep my number on its do-not-call list for at least ten years?''
2. ``And does your company have a written policy that says that on paper?''
3. ``Can you send me a copy of it?''
4. ``What's your supervisor's first and last name?''
5. ``What's your employer's business name, address and main telephone number?''
6. ``Are you calling for a tax-exempt nonprofit organization?''
7. ``Is this call based on a previously established business relationship?''
Before hanging up, check you have all their answers written down, then say goodbye. Add the date and time to your record. (Is it between 8 a.m. and 9 p.m.?)
Disclaimer: nothing here should be taken as legal advice. It is from Internet and I found it worth sharing.
Every time you get a call you consider junk, just ask the questions in this script. If they answer no, you may be able to sue them.
1. ``Are you calling to sell something?'' (or ``is this a telemarketing call?'')
2. ``Could you tell me your full name please?''
3. ``And a phone number, area code first?''
4. ``What's the name of the organization you're calling for?''
5. ``Does that organization keep a list of numbers it's been asked not to call?''
6. ``I would like my number(s) put on that list. Can you take care of that now?''
7. ``And does the company you work for also make telemarketing calls for any other organizations?'' (If they answer no, skip the next question.)
8. (If yes) ``Can you make sure your company won't call me for any other organization?''
You may need to ask to speak with a supervisor if they sound lost. When you're ready to let them off, you might close with ``Is it clear that I never want telemarketing calls from anyone?'' and just say goodbye. If you feel like making them pay, keep going:
1. ``Will your company keep my number on its do-not-call list for at least ten years?''
2. ``And does your company have a written policy that says that on paper?''
3. ``Can you send me a copy of it?''
4. ``What's your supervisor's first and last name?''
5. ``What's your employer's business name, address and main telephone number?''
6. ``Are you calling for a tax-exempt nonprofit organization?''
7. ``Is this call based on a previously established business relationship?''
Before hanging up, check you have all their answers written down, then say goodbye. Add the date and time to your record. (Is it between 8 a.m. and 9 p.m.?)
Disclaimer: nothing here should be taken as legal advice. It is from Internet and I found it worth sharing.
Precautions while filling Gas / Petrol
A young man and his 4 yr old son went to a petrol bunk near Lal bagh
(Bangalore) to fill in petrol for his bike. The boy was sitting on the
pillion behind him. The helper who fills petrol held the petrol gun
upwards, and turned towards the meter to re-set the meter. As soon as
the setting was done the petrol came out gushing out of the gun - due
to some malfunction - (at least that's what they said) in full speed
and splashed all over the 4 yr old boy and his father. Petrol entered
the eyes of the boy. Immediately the boy was taken into the cleaning
area and was showered in a water jet. They washed his eyes with lot of
water. But the boy could not see anything.
The young man took the child to the hospital and immediately the
hospital authorities put him in ICU. The kid was then transferred to
Vittala Netralaya and after 2 days of treatment he got some vision
again. Now he is alright and is at home. The doctors told that just
because the water cleaning was done immediately, he has vision today
otherwise the boy would have been blind by now. Petrol (along with
impurities) can burn the tissues inside the eye. Now why am I writing
this?
Please take some precautions next time you are at a petrol bunk.
1. If the engine was in running condition, this could have caused a
major Fire. So Switch off the engine at pumps.
2. Drop small kids and the person sitting behind you outside the pump
and fill in petrol. Kids are more sensitive than grown ups.
3. Ask the petrol pump helper boy to hold the gun down. Even if there
is such an accident let the petrol flow down and not on your face.
(Bangalore) to fill in petrol for his bike. The boy was sitting on the
pillion behind him. The helper who fills petrol held the petrol gun
upwards, and turned towards the meter to re-set the meter. As soon as
the setting was done the petrol came out gushing out of the gun - due
to some malfunction - (at least that's what they said) in full speed
and splashed all over the 4 yr old boy and his father. Petrol entered
the eyes of the boy. Immediately the boy was taken into the cleaning
area and was showered in a water jet. They washed his eyes with lot of
water. But the boy could not see anything.
The young man took the child to the hospital and immediately the
hospital authorities put him in ICU. The kid was then transferred to
Vittala Netralaya and after 2 days of treatment he got some vision
again. Now he is alright and is at home. The doctors told that just
because the water cleaning was done immediately, he has vision today
otherwise the boy would have been blind by now. Petrol (along with
impurities) can burn the tissues inside the eye. Now why am I writing
this?
Please take some precautions next time you are at a petrol bunk.
1. If the engine was in running condition, this could have caused a
major Fire. So Switch off the engine at pumps.
2. Drop small kids and the person sitting behind you outside the pump
and fill in petrol. Kids are more sensitive than grown ups.
3. Ask the petrol pump helper boy to hold the gun down. Even if there
is such an accident let the petrol flow down and not on your face.
WITS OF WISDOM(Chanakya quotes )
(The Great Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are hooked first."
-------------------------------------
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
---------------------------------------
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you."
---------------------------------------
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
------------------------------------------
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
--------------------------------------
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
---------------------------------------------------
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
-------------------------------------
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
------------------------------------------
"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."
-----------------------------------
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
------------------------------------------
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."
---------------------------------------------
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
-----------------------------------------------------
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
--------------------------
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."
"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are hooked first."
-------------------------------------
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
---------------------------------------
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you."
---------------------------------------
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
------------------------------------------
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
--------------------------------------
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
---------------------------------------------------
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
-------------------------------------
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
------------------------------------------
"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."
-----------------------------------
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
------------------------------------------
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."
---------------------------------------------
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
-----------------------------------------------------
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
--------------------------
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Walmart Husband Store-Joke
A Wal-Mart store that sells husbands has just opened (think). In this store a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.
Instructions at the entrance describe how the store operates.
There are only 6 floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch..... As you open the door to any floor you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart's Husband Store.
Instructions at the entrance describe how the store operates.
There are only 6 floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch..... As you open the door to any floor you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart's Husband Store.
Remember
No one wants pain, troubles or hardship, but it’s absolutely inevitable that we all will have plenty of each. And they won’t come at times of our choosing or in doses we think are manageable. Adversity is never welcome, but it’s not necessarily our enemy.
As the blade is sharpened by friction with a harder stone, our character and the quality of our lives can be shaped and strengthened through struggle and striving. Shakespeare said, “Sweet are the uses of adversity / Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous / Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.” Adversity’s precious jewel is cut by the chisels of confidence and competence forged in a process of confronting and overcoming difficulties. As Nietzsche said, what doesn’t destroy us makes us stronger.
This poem reminds us that what we need is not always what we want:
I asked for Strength / And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong
I asked for Wisdom / And God gave me Problems to solve
I asked for Prosperity / And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work
I asked for Courage / And God gave me Danger to overcome
I asked for Love / And God gave me Troubled People to help
I asked for Favor / And God gave me Opportunities
I got nothing I wanted
But I received everything I needed
The road to achievement and fulfillment is dotted with hazards and tragedies that can wound us, frighten us and slow us down. But afflictions and misfortunes can stop us only if we surrender. If we exercise courage, patience and perseverance we can overcome any adversity, bearing pains we cannot relieve and solving problems we cannot avoid.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
For more:http://www.charactercounts.org/knxwk289.htm#1
As the blade is sharpened by friction with a harder stone, our character and the quality of our lives can be shaped and strengthened through struggle and striving. Shakespeare said, “Sweet are the uses of adversity / Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous / Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.” Adversity’s precious jewel is cut by the chisels of confidence and competence forged in a process of confronting and overcoming difficulties. As Nietzsche said, what doesn’t destroy us makes us stronger.
This poem reminds us that what we need is not always what we want:
I asked for Strength / And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong
I asked for Wisdom / And God gave me Problems to solve
I asked for Prosperity / And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work
I asked for Courage / And God gave me Danger to overcome
I asked for Love / And God gave me Troubled People to help
I asked for Favor / And God gave me Opportunities
I got nothing I wanted
But I received everything I needed
The road to achievement and fulfillment is dotted with hazards and tragedies that can wound us, frighten us and slow us down. But afflictions and misfortunes can stop us only if we surrender. If we exercise courage, patience and perseverance we can overcome any adversity, bearing pains we cannot relieve and solving problems we cannot avoid.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
For more:http://www.charactercounts.org/knxwk289.htm#1
Earn More Interest
Check your Savings Account to See How Interest Gets Credited
How many of us have actually checked our savings account to see how much interest gets credited into our account for the deposits we make? A lot of people might know the answer to this one.
Now let's change the question to "How many of us know the way interest is calculated and credited into our account?" Not too many. The answer to this one will surprise many depositors and a bigger surprise is that crores of rupees are lost through millions of savings accounts in our country. The numbers as you will see are staggering.
There are an estimated 320 million savings accounts in the various commercial banks. As per the RBI Bulletin, savings bank deposits were approximately Rs 4, 30,000 crore (Rs 4,300 billion). Most of the banks in the country pay interest to you on the minimum balance held between the 10th and 30th/31st of every month. We have picked samples from nationalized, private and foreign banks in the country to take a broad representation of most banks.
Now let's suppose you have nil in your account as on April 10. On April 11th you deposit Rs 100,000 in your account. If you withdraw the funds on May 31st, there is no interest paid to you for the entire term of 51 days.
You may wonder why but the reason according to the bank's calculation is that the minimum balance between April 10 (nil) and April 30 (Rs 100,000) is nil, so no interest is paid for April. Similarly between May 10 (Rs 100,000) and May 31st (nil), the minimum balance is nil and hence you earn no interest for May as well.
Basically it implies that the bank gets to use your money for 51 days free of cost. Therefore, the bank has the option of leveraging these zero-cost funds and lend them at higher rates of interest. This is one of the most important sources of their profits.
At the same time a sharp cookie will deposit Rs 100,000 on April 10th instead of April 11th and remove the money on May 1st. The minimum between April 10th and April 30th now is Rs 100,000 and hence he gets 3.5 per cent a year for just keeping the money for 20 days. This is equivalent to a yield of 5.425 per cent.
The RBI is well aware of this but nothing has been done about this practice. At the end of the day it's the depositor who bears the brunt of this faulty interest calculation practice.
The question to ask is that in the area of technological sophistication is it necessary to continue with this outdated method of interest calculation for the convenience of banks but at the cost to the depositor? This shows that the aam admi's interests like always clearly take a backseat.
So what should you do to maximize the interest you earn on bank deposits?
(1) Make deposits in your savings account before or on the 10th of every month.
(2) Ensure that you withdraw any funds only after the 31st or the last day of every month.
(3) Check your bank statements carefully to ensure that interest payments are properly credited into your account.
(4) More importantly leave bare minimum funds in your savings account to pay for monthly expenses and immediate payments and move the rest in short term fixed deposits. This way you have liquidity and at the same time you continue to earn higher interest. Better yet, park funds in higher interest rate fixed deposits, and take an overdraft against the deposit for any contingencies.
How many of us have actually checked our savings account to see how much interest gets credited into our account for the deposits we make? A lot of people might know the answer to this one.
Now let's change the question to "How many of us know the way interest is calculated and credited into our account?" Not too many. The answer to this one will surprise many depositors and a bigger surprise is that crores of rupees are lost through millions of savings accounts in our country. The numbers as you will see are staggering.
There are an estimated 320 million savings accounts in the various commercial banks. As per the RBI Bulletin, savings bank deposits were approximately Rs 4, 30,000 crore (Rs 4,300 billion). Most of the banks in the country pay interest to you on the minimum balance held between the 10th and 30th/31st of every month. We have picked samples from nationalized, private and foreign banks in the country to take a broad representation of most banks.
Now let's suppose you have nil in your account as on April 10. On April 11th you deposit Rs 100,000 in your account. If you withdraw the funds on May 31st, there is no interest paid to you for the entire term of 51 days.
You may wonder why but the reason according to the bank's calculation is that the minimum balance between April 10 (nil) and April 30 (Rs 100,000) is nil, so no interest is paid for April. Similarly between May 10 (Rs 100,000) and May 31st (nil), the minimum balance is nil and hence you earn no interest for May as well.
Basically it implies that the bank gets to use your money for 51 days free of cost. Therefore, the bank has the option of leveraging these zero-cost funds and lend them at higher rates of interest. This is one of the most important sources of their profits.
At the same time a sharp cookie will deposit Rs 100,000 on April 10th instead of April 11th and remove the money on May 1st. The minimum between April 10th and April 30th now is Rs 100,000 and hence he gets 3.5 per cent a year for just keeping the money for 20 days. This is equivalent to a yield of 5.425 per cent.
The RBI is well aware of this but nothing has been done about this practice. At the end of the day it's the depositor who bears the brunt of this faulty interest calculation practice.
The question to ask is that in the area of technological sophistication is it necessary to continue with this outdated method of interest calculation for the convenience of banks but at the cost to the depositor? This shows that the aam admi's interests like always clearly take a backseat.
So what should you do to maximize the interest you earn on bank deposits?
(1) Make deposits in your savings account before or on the 10th of every month.
(2) Ensure that you withdraw any funds only after the 31st or the last day of every month.
(3) Check your bank statements carefully to ensure that interest payments are properly credited into your account.
(4) More importantly leave bare minimum funds in your savings account to pay for monthly expenses and immediate payments and move the rest in short term fixed deposits. This way you have liquidity and at the same time you continue to earn higher interest. Better yet, park funds in higher interest rate fixed deposits, and take an overdraft against the deposit for any contingencies.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
A Consultant
A farmer was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a n Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer , 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'
The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..
Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the farmer says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Member of Parliament!!!!!!!
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.', answered the farmer . 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .
Now give me back my dog.
The driver, a young man in a n Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer , 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'
The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..
Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the farmer says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Member of Parliament!!!!!!!
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.', answered the farmer . 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .
Now give me back my dog.
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